Spam

I think it is a bad sign that in order to cheer myself up I will sometimes open up my spam email, just to get a giggle out of the terrible spelling and the crimes committed against grammar.

Here's my favorite sentence from a recent email.

"Following the brake out of the war, almost all government offices, cooperation’s and prostates were attacked and vandalized."

All I can say is that had to sting!

The Acid Test

Just when I think the level of discourse in our family can’t sink any lower, Doris shows up with a shovel.

I was up at the nieces for dinner a few nights ago. My brother and his wife were in town and I was asked for family dinner. They had brought their new puppy and the Niece was cooking so how could I say no, and so off to Cape Anne I went after work.

My brother met me at the train and during the drive he caught me up on some of Doris hijinx. Once in the house everyone was too busy playing with the new puppy who is at the all ears and feet stage to talk about much of anything else.

Once dinner was on the table conversation became more general and this was when my sister-in-law brought up the topic of “I can’t believe your mother said…”

It would seem that the Niece’s younger sister decided it was time her new beau should meet Grandma. Always a scary proposition at the best of times. From what I can gather the poor fellow is a very polite well, well brought up, southern boy. Whatever the case, the poor man didn’t deserve it.

From what I could gather, Doris decided that the dinner table was the perfect venue for her to launch into a recitation of her most recent visit to the gynecologist. Doris it seems, has not been doing her Kegel exercises and therefore her lady parts are starting to fall out of her “hoo-hoo”. Knowing Doris, I am pretty certain this was all explained in graphic detail. Not, I think, a mental picture you want through the remainder of dinner. What the hapless beau’s reaction to this was, I have never been told, but my sister-in-law said something to the effect that she couldn’t believe my mother brought the subject up, much less at the dinner table. My response to my sister-in-law was “How long have you been married to my brother, now?” Actually, knowing my family, I was more surprised no one asked Doris whether the doctor suggested surgery or just gave her a cork.

Later the Niece was driving me to the train station and mentioned her new beau will be coming to visit from the Netherlands in December. She asked me if I wanted to meet him and we thought about some different activities that he might enjoy on a visit to Boston. She then asked me if I thought she should introduce him to Grandma.

“Only if I get to watch!” was my response.

The Niece being a sport said “Cool! Road trip!” Unable to help myself, I suggested we just throw him to the sharks and play cards with my dad while Doris talks, non-stop at him. It may seem mean, but anyone who can survive Doris is a keeper.

We’re looking at it as the acid test.

Neti Pot Warning

If you use a Neti Pot, make sure you flush ALL the saline solution out of your sinuses. There is nothing more embarrassing than having salt water pour out of your nose when you are going down on someone. Not that this has ever happened to me. Ever. Certainly not yesterday. That is all.

Office conversation

Younger office mate gets off the phone.

Him: That was weird! My mother never calls me at work. I figured something must have happened.

Me: Everything okay?

Him: Yeah, she was just reminding me to call up my grandmother, it's her birthday. She's getting up there.

Me: How old is your grandmother?

Him: She must be like 79 now.

Me: (laughing) Doris is 83 and she's still going strong.

Him: That's right, you have a daughter about my age.

Me: My daughter is older than you.

Him: How old is she? She can't be that much older.

Me: 34

Him: So, she's only.... like.... 6 years older than me. But my parents are older than you.

Me: I'm 54.

Him: Well my dad is....um.....54 or 55.

Pause.

Him: Wow! You are the coolest old guy I know!

This and that

Yeah I know, it's been a while. It has been sort of a mixed bag for me lately as it has for a lot of other people.

However, life goes on and I am going to try and start posting regularly again. If for no other reason than to stop RG from nagging.

I mean, it's not like there hasn't been plenty to bitch about. The weather just plain sucked through June and July and now that August is here, we in the northeast have been hit full force with Boston summer weather. Basically, what that means is oppressive humidity coupled with high temperatures. On the other hand, you don't have to shovel heat and you don't slip and fall on the heat on the sidewalk. Plus, I have something of a tan finally. On the Ganome scale of successful summer, it is best measured on depth of tan. While I am not nearly as dark as I have been in past summers, at least I am not pale, so that's a good thing.

For added measure the recent spate of uncomfortable weather just exacerbates petty annoyances, so I should be able to work myself into a lather about any number of things. Such as the 3 way tie I am having over who to hate the most here in Boston. Bicyclists, pedestrians or motorists.

I could go on about my garden and my lack of motivation to keep it up.

I could crab about work and ponder why it is that at almost every job I've ever had I have wound up having to be the responsible adult, when those around me at times get away with bloody murder. I could also muse on the fact that if I pulled any of the stunts that others manage at work, I'd be out of a job.

All of these are fascinating I know. But for the moment I am just going to think about trying to get to the beach over the weekend.

As much as things have changed....

I was pretty horrified when I heard about the raid on the Rainbow Lounge. I admit, it is Texas, after all. But still....

40 years after Stonewall and people wonder why we are still out marching and making ourselves visible. The next person to suggest that gay people are looking for "special rights" and not just our basic civil rights is due a good bitch slapping.

Koko Taylor. Aged 80

I just read that the great Koko Taylor has passed away. In my youth she was frequently in the Boston area, often at the old Passim's Coffee House. She was more known to blues fans than the general public, but she was one of the truly great voices in American music. I for one will miss her.